You have no idea how hard I'm trying. I take pills to keep me happy, I jog, I run like crazy, I blast my ears with upbeat songs. But really all it takes is a blank and we're back where we started. I tried running away from it while jogging, pretending it were a monster chasing me to get me back to hell, but there it was just the same.
I really do want to be happy now. But not here. Not like this. Being boss-less is a sacred family tradition I'm all too willing to uphold. And I've invested so much, too much, to still be fucking sad at the end of the day.
And fuck you all hypocritical people who know too much, who say everything you feel is your own fault. I know it's my fault, stupid, I'm the one doing the feeling! But I hope to God you get ten times what it feels like to be sad. Because when someone is sad, you don't tell that person to shut it. You sit beside her and tell her everything's going to be okay.
Because we all know it is. And frankly it's just nice to be kind to each other along the way.
